Do you have Bingo butt?
Well Babes, unfortunately I have to admit that I do. So in trying to make sure that I stay the Fabulously Gorgeous Bingo Babe that I am (OK…you can stop laughing) I have begun my quest to find a diet that will help me trim some of the Bodacious off my butt. As I always try to pass on good information, I also want to pass on a few warnings so you can learn from my mistakes. This article may be a little longer than most, but to be honest I was really angry when I wrote it. So read on and hopefully it will help.
I am generally not a negative person. I try to believe there is at least a little bit of truth in the weight loss programs that are circulating on the internet today. I mean really … They are selling some of this stuff for hundreds, even thousands of dollars.
But ya know what?
Many of these companies don’t see us as people; they see us as an order number with a credit card, so they play with our emotions. These companies, that seem to spring up overnight with a different angle to solve our weight problems, know how badly we want to lose weight. They are counting on it!
Like I said, they use our emotions against us.
It just doesn’t seem fair, does it?
Now I’m not asking for much. I just want a weight loss program that is safe, effective, isn’t a bunch of prepackaged chemicals or an herb, hand picked off of a single tree that only grows on the sunny side of a hill in another country…and
… I don’t want to give up my first born to pay for it. I would rather use my money to play Bingo.
The introduction pages of these diets or videos are usually full of success stories, and before and after pictures of the beautiful people who have supposedly lost a gazillion pounds in a very short amount of time. They didn’t have to change their eating habits, or even get their big butts off the couch!
Just pop this pill or drink a fruit flavored potion and “Abracadabra”…you are thin! WOW, sounds good to me.
I don’t want to have to move my big butt either. Bingo players usually aren’t fat, we choose to believe that we have just developed mighty muscles in our butts that enable us to sit for long periods of time!
So I press the “Buy Now” button and pray that this is the restrictive and often bizarre diet, pill, potion, exercise machine or program that will work.
Then, the reality of what I had done, in my desperation to believe, becomes evident as they suck a recurring monthly and supposedly discounted fee off my credit card.
AND…
…let’s not forget the outrageously ridiculous shipping and handling fee I agreed to pay, and even agreed to pay extra to have it express shipped. God forbid I should wait another day for my miracle to arrive! After all I could be 10 pounds thinner before I arrive at Bingo this weekend.
Funny though, no matter how much I paid for shipping, the product always seems to come in about a week.
What I usually got in return was, a rewritten, rehashed version of some ridiculous diet that a supposedly halfway intelligent person, such as me, should have known better than to believe. No way could I do this for the rest of my life.
Worse yet, were the huge bottles of giant size herbal horse pills or fancy bottles of juice that gave me a rash or made me pee like a racehorse!!! Not a fun thing to have happen when you are at Bingo.
The one I am most embarrassed to admit that I bought into was the one that said all I had to do was breath… that’s right, just breath.
What on earth could I have been thinking?
But, let’s not forget, I did get it for a “discounted price” because if I hadn’t pressed the “Buy Now” button NOW, my chances of getting this miraculous cure at a discounted price would have been gone forever!
I guess it was my severe desire to lose the 30 (OK…maybe 40) or so extra pounds that have over time, crept onto my body, which kept me pressing that darn button.
If only I had a ‘Diet Fairy God Mother’ that would wave her magic wand over my head…and poof!…I’m thin! I have begged that same Fairy God Mother to please let me win at Bingo. I guess on those nights her wand was broken.
But alas, the truth is I had to find a healthy, logical way of eating and exercising that I could live with.
Ever try to get one of those companies to stop charging your credit card? After all, each and every one of these miracle cures comes with an “Iron Clad Guarantee” that states if you are not happy, for any reason, you can stop receiving shipments or even get your money back, even if you return an empty bottle.
Yeah, right!
The truth is it usually takes hours on the phone, IF, you can actually get a live person, and fighting with the credit card people to get it stopped.
So if you ever decide to just press the button, make sure you CAREFULLY read their policy on refunds. Write down the number of the company as well as the phone number, if it is different, from the cancellation dept. Wouldn’t hurt to have their email addresses as well.
Many times you can only cancel by writing to the company. Post this information someplace where you can find it again. Often you are given this cancellation phone number only one time, and that is when you actually place the order.
Of course, you truly believe with all your heart that this is the diet that will work for you.
Yup, this is it.
This is the one.
So why save the return information?
You will sadly realize why, when you need to figure out a way to stop it. Your credit card keeps getting billed and the product that you no longer wish to use piles up on the counter or sits in the corner collecting dust.
Now, I believe (?), not all of these company’s programs are scams.
I also believe (?) that every one of these diet plans, pills, potions, body sculpting equipment thingies, do come with just enough truth to help some of the people some of the time.
There is, however, no one system that can help everyone. If they state that they can, it is a lie. Everyone has a different reason why they are overweight. My problem might have been that I spent way too much time sitting in a chair at bingo eating greasy food and drinking gallons of soda. Ya think???
These companies are so clever and so adept at wording their introduction page with smoke and mirrors that they can solve all your weight loss problems, no matter who you are or how fat you are … or even what health issues you may have!
Just press the button.
But, before you do, do your due diligence. Look up the company on the internet. Read everything you can find. If the intro page is just a string of promises, and says nothing more, then I would press the exit button and not look back.
You must come to grips with the fact that there is no magic solution. The weight didn’t get on you overnight and it will not go away without some time, energy and effort. Think it through and really look at what you are getting yourself into. Don’t get hooked into the latest ‘FAD’ diet. Look for a weight loss plan that is livable and logical. Trust me, you won’t find that in a bottle … no matter how hard you “rub that bottle” … a genie won’t come out!.
Use your common sense and look for the warning signs of a bad or “fad” diet. Sometimes all we need is a little bit of information that will teach us proper food portions. Give us a little insight in how to get our butts up off the couch and what to do once we get up. Many of us have eaten so badly, for so long, and tried so many quick fixes, that we don’t really know where to start. I hope you do, but please take my advice and do all the research you need to BEFORE you press that buy now button. Good luck!
Arthritis…Especially Rheumatoid arthritis, is very painful and can really take the fun out of playing bingo when it becomes uncomfortable to even hold your dauber. Unfortunately this illness has increased about 50% from 10 years ago. Being a sufferer of RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) myself, I did a little research to find something tolerable that would help. The medications most doctors prescribe for this had so many warnings and side effects that I felt there had to be a better way.
I pass Jackie systematically taping all her papers together. She stops chatting with her table of friends long enough to flash me a big smile and say hello. Now this girl can play some bingo. She is a true example of a player who has developed “Bingo eye”. She can play and keep up with as many cards as she can reach. She always arrives early enough to get herself organized, and as you can see by the photo, it has already paid off.
Pretty, yet quiet and unassuming, Amy has turned bingo into a true art. She organizes her playing field (a trait I assume by now you know I admire) and carefully plans how she will spend her bingo bucks to her best advantage. Being the mother of five beautiful children, Amy relishes her time out of the house, yet considers and strategizes her game like a second job. I guess when you keep a husband and five kids organized, taping together some papers and focusing on the task of looking for a number which leads to a bingo pattern has to be very relaxing. She is an absolute joy to share a table with and goes out of her way to spread good luck to everyone around her.
Then there’s Miss Mary…Bless her heart… She always arrives looking like she just stepped out of a band box. Tonight she had on her red, white and blue sparkly bingo finest. Of course bingo earrings and a jingly bingo charm bracelet to match. But all that glitter was not nearly as beautiful as the big smile on her face when she raised her bingo hand on a stick to get the handsome, sweet and attentive Bucky’s attention that she had a bingo. It’s always fun to stop by her table and look over the ever changing collection of bingo lucky charms. One of my favorite outfits Miss Mary wears is her Betty Boop ensemble. I’m here to tell ya’… right down to the cushion she sits on, she has everything imaginable with Betty Boop on it.
Look around and see if I’m there. I’m usually the one wondering around chatting up a storm and looking for the next great bingo story to write, or stuffing my face with one of Sonya’s fabulous brownies….and oh yes, before I forget, if it’s your birthday (or better yet, your Mom’s birthday) you (or Mom) will get a birthday balloon tied to a new dauber and every time the ‘House Bingo Birthday Ball’ comes out, they will pay the birthday person a buck!
